her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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