I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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