fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
