Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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