it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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