i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize