Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
