i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
