As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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