areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this is an emotional support booty call
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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