ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
