turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
