I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
