it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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