She is in my trunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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