I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
