I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
