He had one of those small greek statue penises
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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