Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
