"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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