i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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