Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
