woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
