Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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