Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
