i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
