Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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