i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
