Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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