cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
