I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
