Me. At least after what I've been through.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
