all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize