In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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