y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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