You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's like iHOP with fire
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
