New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
