ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
