Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
