You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
