I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
