The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
