I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
