Jerry, you need to find god
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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