1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
