bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize