I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
