I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
