i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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