I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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