6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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