Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
