No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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