Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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