News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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