He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize