Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
