don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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