Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
