She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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