I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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