So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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