I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
