Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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