i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
