Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
