woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
