Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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